I wasn’t introduced to the formal concept of emotional intelligence until recently (thanks to Nev). And now that I’m primed, I can’t escape it. Emotional intelligence is a simple idea: your ability to understand/control your emotions and the emotions of others.
It’s not binary (ie. either you have it or not), it’s an analog spectrum. And you don’t always sit at the same spot. There are times when I feel like an all-knowing emotionally super-intelligent god, and other times when I have the emotional intelligence of a rock. But most of the time I’m more like a dog: pretty good intuition for this stuff but not consciously aware of it.
Nev send me a piece from the NYTimes, Can Emotional Intelligence be Taught?, and I shared with her a blog post from Scott Adams, Imagination and Emotional Intelligence. I’ve also been reading Autopilot: The Art and Science of Doing Nothing by Andrew Smart (very interesting book I’ll write more about when I finish). Thoughts… I’ve got some…
Spray the fire extinguisher at the base of the fire.
The idea of teaching emotional intelligence is dumb. My grandparents had emotional intelligence, maybe yours do to. Pretty confident none of them had a class in school about this stuff. I’d also wager that they never received “participant” trophies, went on “play dates,” or had every minute of their childhood scheduled and efficiently optimized for achieving career success through strategic goal setting.
Kids shouldn’t do that crap. They should play. They should be allowed to sit around and be goofy, stare at the clouds, walk to the park without a plan, cut their knees, make up new games, break things, fix things, pull things apart just because, and sometimes just do nothing. Further, they should make fun of other kids, get made fun of, get into sticky situations, make mistakes and then make amends. Learn how to give it, how to take it, and feel the impact from both sides. If people don’t have these great unique chances to learn while they’re developing and the stakes are low, what dangers await when their mind has lost some plasticity and the stakes are much greater?
We don’t need to teach kids one more thing.
Let’s start by undoing the problems we’ve created. Instead of trying to treat symptoms, eliminate the root cause. Allow kids to be kids and develop healthily like humans have for millions of years. Don’t force them to be adults*, crushing creativity and removing individuality such that they’re easier to manage.
Remove the bureaucratic crud that has built up, suffocating childhood. A solution doesn’t have to be additive. Fear, momentum and ingrained interests may be difficult to fight, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t.
PS I don’t have kids yet. But when I do — when I have skin in this game — I promise you, the Spinosa family is going to make some waves.
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*Then again, maybe “adulthood” is bullshit and we should allow adults to be more like kids…
